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Much as Dexter Morgan can employ blood-spatter analysis techniques to enhance understanding we, also, can make educated deductions from what we observe in the toilet bowl following a particularly gory and violent dump.

In this gruesome example, note the initial point of impact rear-left of bowl, above the waterline. The perpetrator must have commenced evacuation at some distance from the seat. A strong indicator this was not a pre-meditated act, but indeed the act of a desperate, panicking individual.

Further to this, you can trace the continued stream of liquified pooh as it intersects the water line, causing water to splash around the bowl in a corona effect. The water ejection creates clean streaks through the spatter pattern around the bowl. In this instance, the extended height of water ejection suggests a particularly loose individual evacuating at high velocity.

The darker colouration is indicative of high consumption of red wine or Guiness – our perp is a big drinker.

Content analysis shows no corn or fibrous debris. This is not unusual in a liquid pooh. A high concentration of sesame seeds could indicate a relatively healthy diet, but a closer inspection reveals trace amounts of chilli pepper seeds and cardimon pods. Indicative of a take-away food abuser, the large amounts of sesame seeds can hence be attributed to a McDonald’s addiction.